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Trying vs. Controlling

Authors
  • avatar
    Name
    André Ellis Jr.
    Twitter

Topic Introduction:

As men, we often feel the need to be in control—whether it’s in our careers, finances, relationships, or personal goals. Society teaches us that success comes from taking charge, making things happen, and never letting go of the reins. While effort and responsibility are good, there’s a difference between trying (putting in our best effort while trusting the outcome to God) and controlling (attempting to force a specific result in our own strength).

Many of life’s frustrations come from trying to control things we were never meant to. Whether it’s stressing over job security, managing every detail of our family’s future, or even trying to change other people, the burden of control can be exhausting. The Bible warns us about the dangers of relying too much on ourselves instead of trusting God’s plan. Jesus, though He had all power, never sought to control His circumstances—He submitted everything to the Father’s will (Luke 22:42).

Opening Questions (Tied to a Secular Context but Leading to Jesus):

  1. Career & Goals: Have you ever worked really hard toward a goal but still had things not go as planned? How did that affect you?
  2. Relationships: Have you ever tried to change someone—maybe a spouse, a child, or a coworker—only to realize you couldn’t? What happened?
  3. Stress & Anxiety: What are some areas of life where you feel the most pressure to be in control? Why do you think it’s hard to let go?
  4. Cultural Influence: Society tells us that “you make your own destiny.” Do you think that’s true? Where does personal effort end and trusting something greater begin?
  5. Faith Connection: If letting go of control is so freeing, why do you think it’s so difficult for people to trust God with their lives?

Main Talking Points:

1. The Illusion of Control

  • Proverbs 16:9 – "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."
  • James 4:13-15 – "Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’"

2. The Anxiety of Trying to Control Everything

  • Matthew 6:25-27 – "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"
  • 1 Peter 5:6-7 – "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

3. The Balance Between Effort and Surrender

  • Colossians 3:23 – "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men."
  • Ecclesiastes 3:11 – "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end."

4. Letting Go in Relationships

  • Romans 12:18 – "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
  • Philippians 2:3-4 – "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

5. Jesus as the Ultimate Example of Letting Go of Control

  • Luke 22:42 – "Saying, 'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.'"
  • John 6:38 – "For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me."

Outro (Thought and Motion):

  • Thought(prayer): Ask God to show you areas in your life where you’re struggling to let go of control. It could be in your career, a relationship, finances, or personal plans.
  • Motion(action): When you feel the urge to control, stop and say, “I don’t need to control this situation or thing.” I just need to trust God.
  • Verse the reflect on this week: Read Matthew 14:22-33 (Jesus and Peter walking on water). Think about how faith requires letting go of control and trusting God.